I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
