She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
