Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Houston, we have a squirter
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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