my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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