I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
