3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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