are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
