I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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