& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.