when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
