definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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