I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
