Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
