it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My vagina just clenched in fear
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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