I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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