Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think people are normalizing furries
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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