And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
