You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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