I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
