her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
