i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
