I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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