Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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