he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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