in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
