is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
