OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
