dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
