dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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