Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
