just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she peed on how many people?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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