If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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