R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
