Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Mom said you looked used
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
