I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
