I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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