He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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