You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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