You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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