just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
