What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
