it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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