Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
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note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
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How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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