My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
