This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
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We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
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Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it