ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.