ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.