Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There are leaves in my underwear?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
