We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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