yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
