I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
