her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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