she woke up with a sticky ear
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
