i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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