we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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