I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
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I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
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Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize