Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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