why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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