So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He? As in you personified your dick?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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