i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
