If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
