should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
