I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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