Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
