bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
