whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
