Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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